Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Ants can lift fifty times their own body weight, but do they lift even one finger around the house? NO!

   happy P.O.E.T.S. Day, everyone! Piss On Everything Tommrows Saturday.

   I could stand to lose a few pounds, so I'm cutting out my oversized heart. It has done me no favors anyway.

   If you're homophobic, it's important to remember that they're more afraid of you than you are of them

   Am I an a55hole because the cruise ship thing doesn't seem like a big deal? I mean, there's some rocks RIGHT THERE!

   You haven't lived until you've passed through a birth canal.

   When a woman compliments me on my looks, I assume she's ovulating or something.

   I know its early, but I wanna sneak off to the bar

   A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.

   If your boyfriend wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day

   The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out

   wasn't Fellatio one of the Three Musketeers?

   My signature move has been foiled by carpal tunnel and tennis elbow.

   Roses are red, Violets are blue, What I ate on Fat Tuesday, Gave me Diabetes Type 2.

   It's hangovers like this that make me wish I had a Life Alert.

   I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"

   Your yoga pants just say OUTSTRETCHED.

   noticed that while someone is speaking to him, 80% of his inner dialouge is wondering if his face looks interested

   We didn't have presidential candidates like this back when people could smoke at their desks.

   I was never insane except that temporary moment when my heart was exposed.