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SEAN Funny Status Messages
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Page: 12 of 14
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
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10-30-2013 10:36 by
SEAN
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Once this girl I liked told me I looked like Ted Bundy and I didn't know if I was supposed to ask her out or kill her or what.
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10-30-2013 10:35 by
SEAN
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Taking the road less traveled will get you murdered by hitchhikers. Lets be smart, people
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10-30-2013 10:34 by
SEAN
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What if they keep the name Redskins, but change the mascot to a potato....
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10-16-2013 10:04 by
SEAN
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Love seeing life through the eyes of a child. So I made the nephew a helmet-cam and let him take a spin in the dryer.
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10-11-2013 10:30 by
SEAN
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If a Porsche is next to me at a stop light, I'll tell the driver his brake lights are out even when they're not.
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10-11-2013 10:27 by
SEAN
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It's easy to be the worst person on Facebook. Just begin your response to someone's status update with, "Actually,"
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10-11-2013 10:26 by
SEAN
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Minivans with stick figure families let burglars know exactly how many adults, children, dogs, cats, turtles and fish they'll need to tie up.
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10-11-2013 10:25 by
SEAN
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I don't want to brag, but I've been told by no less than 6 women I've ruined their lives.
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09-12-2013 11:13 by
SEAN
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Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
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09-12-2013 11:08 by
SEAN
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Going to war for Syria is like jumping into a swimming pool while you're wearing an expensive suit to save the kid who bullied you.
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09-12-2013 11:07 by
SEAN
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I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
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09-12-2013 10:57 by
SEAN
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I don't sign anything without pretending to read it first.
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09-06-2013 09:08 by
SEAN
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Sorry but if your dog is small enough to be carried away by a falcon then it shouldn't be called a dog.
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09-06-2013 09:02 by
SEAN
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It takes all of my self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
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09-06-2013 09:01 by
SEAN
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Scavenger hunt time! Find a parent in Walmart who looks happy to be a parent.
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09-06-2013 09:00 by
SEAN
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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
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09-06-2013 08:59 by
SEAN
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Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don't really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don't really mean it.
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09-06-2013 08:59 by
SEAN
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I dont understand....if you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass
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08-22-2013 15:21 by
SEAN
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A marriage is like a deck of cards. In the begining all you need is a diamond and a heart, by the end you wish you had a F'n club and a spade
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08-22-2013 15:17 by
SEAN
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