Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
My dad and I went to a restaurant and the waiter pointed at the QR code on the wall and said “thats our menu” and left and my dad looked at it really close and said “Is this some kind of joke” 
It's important to look closely at all the campaign signs. Last election I voted for a real estate agent.
I take my ibuprofen wrapped in cheese cause why should my dog have all the fun?
If you drop a cookie on the floor and bend down to pick it up does that count as a squat?
Telling people "Don't go out and by up all the toilet paper" will cause people to go out and by up all the toilet paper.
Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.
I had to send a small item back to Amazon, so I put it in a refrigerator sized box and sent it on its way
This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home.
You ever get a friend request and be like, “Nah, you look like you steal copper”
100% sure whoever named the sea lion never saw a land lion
Just put the vaccine inside donuts, ok.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.
i’m at the age where I have to stop myself from throat punching people who say they’re sooo old when they turn 30
Can’t figure out if the neighbour’s baby is fussy or they bought a goat.
Values of the woke: Victimizing yourself is powerful, bravery is dangerous, self-responsibility is someone else’s responsibility, reality isn’t real.
There should be a reality TV show where anti-capitalist millennials are questioned about what kind of government they want and then sent to a country that closely resembles their version as closely as possible and forced to live there for a few months.
the coronavirus pandemic taught me that life is short and politicians are willing to make it shorter
I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor.
When you think about it, isn't egg salad really chicken salad?
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help. 