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I wish cleaning the house was as easy as cleaning out my email. 
I'm going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly an idiot.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
wondering when SkyNet is finally going online? I've been preparing for that moment since 1985.
"I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." ~ Nathan Hale
a lady insisted to sit near the window on the train to take a nap. She said she needed her beauty sleep. I told her sorry but the train isn't going that far
Just got my baby to eat carrots over a boob. I am a heck of a salesman!
I don't care about your opinion enough to argue with you about anything.
Sometimes, I just want to copy someone else's status word for word just to see if they would notice..
Drive careful studies show that 89% of all people are caused by accidents
sometimes when I'm alone I Google myself.
Take a lesson from the weather. Learn to be talked about without responding.
People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.
True friends stab you in the front!
Brett Favre just sent me an inappropriate text message....I guess it's not that big a deal...I'll just wait two years before I tell anybody... Yea...
Ladies, when a man tells you that you're one in a million, don't get too flattered. That means there is about 6,500 more of you on Earth.
got kicked out of a shop.....it said "wet floor"on the sign...so I did....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand
I need a girlfriend, I am exhausterbated.
Seriously, "BFF" I've haven't spoken to in 4 months, you deleted me on Facebook?? It only took me a month to notice. I thought we were tight 