Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

   A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

   I'm not exactly sure what my doctor gave me, but I've decided I like being sick. The walls keep waving at me and saying very complimentary things. It's kinda awesome and I never want to get better.

   I was reading the ten commandments and got to "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife" and I remembered where I left my wallet.

   I just discovered I have a super power! I can be invisible... Oh no no wait, I'm just being ignored.

   I banged my best friends mom, I guess this makes me his best motherf*cking friend!

   Sex is like music: for every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

   "H3y what r yhu dooinq?" ... About to throw a dictionary at your face.

   "They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "They" are just poor virgins.

   Full-Moon out tonight which means all the crazy folks are coming out of the woodwork... and for some reason they've chosen me as their leader...

   The 5-second rule should also apply to anything a guy says to his wife or girlfriend. If she looks like she is getting angry, we have 5-seconds to take it back.

   Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.

   Waking up this morning was a stupid idea.

   There's nothing wrong with my attitude. It's in full working order.

   Always have faith and believe in yourself........well... because... the rest of us think you're an idiot!!!

   Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

   There's no sense in crying over spilled milk....... Oh, it was beer? Carry on then. :(

   I am sick but I must say that I am extremely sexy with my hair all mushed up and my body glistening with Vicks rub...

   Not everyone can go down in history, but if you play your cards right...You can go down on me.

   No one cares about your problems. Take your clothes off.