Funny Status Messages

   If the best things in life are free, why am I still charged when I go to the liquor store?

   Young people will wait longer in a self-scan isle at the grocery store so they don’t have to deal with humans, but old people will wait longer in a regular lane so they don’t have to deal with computers.

   You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, all you've lost is a regular pigeon.

   Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew its descendant would be a pug. That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.

   I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

   Why do baby clothes have pockets ?

   That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.

   Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh

   I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.

   I'm glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.

   Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.

   Don't tickle the dragon unless you're ready for the fire.

   How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.

   I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.

   "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"

   Alexa, clean up my act!

   It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.

   I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non-removable screws.

   The minute you post an incorrect spelllling on line you find a hundred unemployed Teachers on social sites!

   The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.