Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Scrolling through my newsfeed today has taught me 44,578 new ways to say "I don't give a f*ck."
←Rate | 11-05-2012 16:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I will get a piece of canvas and draw a face with my left hand and my eyes closed, splash it with purple, red and black paint, call it "Disconnected" or some such crap... Sell it for 1.8 million and retire.... That's my plan.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 21:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon To the guys saying they want a girl who will fix them a snack after sex: If she's capable of walking you haven't earned a damn sandwich!
←Rate | 09-09-2012 15:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon A lie is not nearly as bad as the insult to my intelligence.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 13:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon never wants to go to bed, yet I never want to wake up in the morning. Why can't my "late night" self make some kind of compromise with my "early morning have-to-go-to work" self?
←Rate | 06-27-2011 16:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon They need to change the sign from "Speed Limit" to "Required Speed."
←Rate | 11-24-2010 08:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My moral compass always gets me lost.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 17:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to think of myself as "Emotionally Exciting" as opposed to bipolar.
←Rate | 10-15-2010 17:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's time for attention to pay me instead.
←Rate | 10-20-2010 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey ladies, if you are looking for a tough, manly boyfriend, then that DEFINITELY wasn't me that ran screaming down the hall when I walked into that spider web... I swear.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 13:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I knew Spanish so I could understand the voices in my head.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 16:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids are supposed to be so tech savvy these days but my 9-month-old just wants to lick my iPhone.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 20:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do NOT have an attitude problem... Yes, I may have the attitude, but YOU'RE the one that seems to have a problem with it...
←Rate | 04-14-2010 13:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you have a good imagination, you can make up all the facts you want.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 19:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Internet: Where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head
←Rate | 10-31-2010 16:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone
←Rate | 11-02-2010 09:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever any of my ex's leave me, I find out a short time later they end up getting married. Which actually makes me feel better. At least now she's miserable too.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 20:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon All your depressing status es are cheering me up. Thanks, ...Keep it up.
←Rate | 10-26-2012 01:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave blood for the local blood drive today. Someone's blood alcohol level is going UP!
←Rate | 06-28-2012 21:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon American Gladiator sports such as the giant hamster rolling ball thing should be introduced at the next olympics.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 15:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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