Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I'm not sure what lesbians like better about sex with a woman instead of a man, but I wish they would describe it to me in great detail.

   All good things come to those you hate. While you sit and wonder why this is true, the one you hate is enjoying their life while you just sit there and wonder why.

   It never fails, when a girl steals my Facebook status she gets a ton more "likes" than I did. :(

   Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me

   Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

   If someone hates you for no reason, give that idiot a reason.

   I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and some I'd love to punch in the face!

   The NFL should change it's name to the little girls league with all these rules. Football is a violent and physical sport, if you get hurt, it's part of the job.

   I went to see my boss today and said, "I think we have a communication problem." He replied, "You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago."

   Sorry for your problems and I'll be there to listen to you, because you're a good person and by good person I mean you put out when you're vulnerable.

   It's Valentine's Day... If you arer married, go and kiss your wife or husband, if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, do the same... and if you are single, kiss the ground and thank GOD!!! =)) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

   I wasn't born to kiss anyone's ass. If you want someone to obey and follow you, you should probably get a dog.

   I think that there are two kinds of people in the world: people who put raisins in cookies & people I like.

   F*ck you light bulb it's my turn to be burnt out.

   If being batsh!t crazy was as visible as a nice body some of you hot chicks would get a lot less attention.

   How are babies not self-consciousness of their thighs?

   My co worker asked if I could help file some documents. I said I was working on a huge project while she watched me play solitaire.

   If you can't handle me at my worst I don't blame you because I can be a total ass.

   It's funny how some people are all nice and humble on Thanksgiving... Then less than 12 hours later flip like a light switch and start throwing elbows into people's throats to get a TV.

   I told my ex to make sure she gives 100% today... she's on her way to donate blood.