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I feel like life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. 
Today at work both the UPS & Fedex guy showed up at the same time, I don't know who was more uncomfortable me or them.
What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.
X Did you Just say somthing, or did your brain fart..
Some people should "dance like no one's looking" where I can't see them.
i feel bad when I see strangers with their zipper down I want to tell them but I feel I would be inviting danger into my life
told the dog it is weird that he follows me into the bathroom all the time. So he walked out. Now I'm weirded out that he understands English.
just had a moment of clarity...now i'm just waiting on the moment of give a sh!t to kick in to see what happens...
I was a mess when she left again...tears flowing, snot running, skin burning...I have GOT to stop buying her pepper spray....
can single-handedly make all your dreams come true...or I could use two hands.
gonna go on a date tonight but his Farmville eggplant were supposed to be ready so he had to cancel.
you can lose money chasing after a girl, but you can never lose a girl chasing after money.
WARNING.. I am a Professional. I must insist that no one attempt too or recreate any status or activity seen on my facebook, serious injury could occur when trying to think of new daily messages.
Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary.
has a new drinking game. Everytime a politician whines and/or blames the other party for something, take a shot.. Because politicains are a bunch of overgrown can-do-no-wrong crybabies with major control issues.. . I htihnk I tis a afgoodo gfame
..New Year's Resolution: Drink More. Fall Down Less. She'll put that to the test tonight.
this is an apology to one of my friends-a Cowboys fan!I do realise you are a true fan and you were explaining their talents -but when I said I hadn't seen a Cowboy choke like that since Brokeback Mountain - I was being sincere!!
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons
can see through your clothes. Mood: disappointed.
On the road to my Happy Place. Too bad it is jammed with traffic. 