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   messageicon Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
←Rate | 06-03-2017 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It isn't a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
←Rate | 06-12-2017 10:29 by Zumba Di Comments (0)  


   messageicon Babies are participation trophies for men.
←Rate | 08-05-2017 11:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your job is pointless there's a guy in Germany installing Turn Signals on BMWs.
←Rate | 10-31-2019 19:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm afraid I will get called as a witness at the impeachment hearings....I don't know anything, either.
←Rate | 11-17-2019 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The National Origami championship is on television tonight. It’s on paper view.
←Rate | 01-03-2020 20:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to a movie the first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you, so nobody can sit there.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 09:08 by MDS Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
←Rate | 01-28-2020 06:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?
←Rate | 03-18-2020 08:56 by Bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there’s one thing this lockdown has taught me; it’s that your first breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
←Rate | 04-09-2020 23:22 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change, hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
←Rate | 06-18-2020 08:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I’m saying is “curb side pickup” meant something different when I was growing up.
←Rate | 06-26-2020 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope Charlie Daniels wins that fiddle of gold. 🎻 R.I.P.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spice things up in the bedroom by loosening the ceiling fan.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 01:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 14:39 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Will Starbucks become a homeless shelter with their new store policy?
←Rate | 05-24-2018 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I hate seeing you like this. Coworker: Like how? Me: In person
←Rate | 06-05-2018 02:32 Comments (0)  



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