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Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
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06-03-2017 20:33
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It isn't a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
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06-12-2017 10:29 by
Zumba Di
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Babies are participation trophies for men.
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08-05-2017 11:25 by
Kisstopher707
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If you think your job is pointless there's a guy in Germany installing Turn Signals on BMWs.
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10-31-2019 19:39
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I'm afraid I will get called as a witness at the impeachment hearings....I don't know anything, either.
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11-17-2019 08:12
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The National Origami championship is on television tonight. It’s on paper view.
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01-03-2020 20:27
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Movie Theater Tip: When you go to a movie the first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you, so nobody can sit there.
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01-24-2020 09:08 by
MDS
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I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
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01-28-2020 06:25
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I’m really liking this social distancing rule. Can we make this law?
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03-18-2020 08:56 by
Bob
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If there’s one thing this lockdown has taught me; it’s that your first breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
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04-09-2020 23:22
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When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change, hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
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06-18-2020 08:23
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All I’m saying is “curb side pickup” meant something different when I was growing up.
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06-26-2020 09:09
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Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
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06-29-2020 10:01
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Hope Charlie Daniels wins that fiddle of gold. 🎻 R.I.P.
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07-06-2020 15:09
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Spice things up in the bedroom by loosening the ceiling fan.
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04-20-2018 01:28
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In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
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04-23-2018 12:09
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Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
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05-14-2018 14:39 by
Jake
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Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.
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05-19-2018 08:24
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Will Starbucks become a homeless shelter with their new store policy?
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05-24-2018 03:21
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Me: I hate seeing you like this. Coworker: Like how? Me: In person
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06-05-2018 02:32
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