jitney Funny Status Messages

   Just cuz, I likkes one of your Pictures doesnt mean to come and inbox me stuppid assss questions like, "where are you these days?" , "Duh bitcch, on FB!!!"

   Apple/Google store just came out with a new app called "Find My I-plane"

   Deleting ppl from FB has become the new way to hang-up on ppl. I still miss the feeling I get from hanging-up the phone on someone face!!

   So TD Bank is marketing 'free pens' as a way to attract new clients......what!?!? no chained pens? Will see how long that will last when school starts.

   Oh so...they taking money made from Gas to give it to the winner of the MegaMillion Lottery!! Aint that some sh!t!!!

   The one time I wish my phone would cut off a day before Valentine's Day, Sprint decides to call me and give me an extra 7 days to make a payment..........(-_-)yeesh

   Me: "Do you want to go out” Her: "Like on a date?" Me: "No...out on a bridge so I can push you off!"

   Good News to a Pastor: The Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: The pastor was on vacation.

   My boss just purchase a brand new two door cadillac cash for his 16 yr old soon that just drop out out school last month.I am sitting here thinking about all of the repairs I have to do to my car.

   An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from. The Doctor said, he saw something like that during Joans Rivers operation!

   “Mom I’m bleeding”“Oh sweetie there’s" "no need to be worried it's just a sign ur becomin a woman" "Thnk God, I was really starting to get worried about this axe inmy shoulder!"

   Abolish the department of education for failing and producing Paul Rand who wants to abolish the department of education.

   How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

   Ya know, that damn commercial lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!

   The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit

   "All I asked was for a sandwich and a BJ"....... - My Tombstone

   When are they gonna start smoking marijuana?

   Well Skittles Stock just took a plunge, again!!

   Since I'm sleeping on the couch, Switced my wife's alka seltzer water with red bull and 2 laxative pills!!! Her shittz going to fly!

   "Didn't realize their was alot of great looking women around here!" - Me hanging out at traffic school1