KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Wedding Rings - the world's smallest handcuffs.

   I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.

   This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she's made some serious mistakes in her past.

   If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it's not beauty.

   I love driving behind old people. You can get so much done: eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, read a book... write a book, etc.

   Some folks will spend the weekend having fun and enjoying themselves. We call these people "Single".

   I am sure during sex, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian call out their own names.

   The sex was great, but I faked the cuddle.

   Don't you dare come back running to me when you get treated the exact same way you treated me.

   Your girlfriend is Rated E for "EVERYONE"

   It's never too early to start drinking for St. Patrick's Day. There are only 52 days left.

   I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.

   Don't take it personal, if they don't know you personally.

   Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to rise, hurricanes to sway around, no one is taught how to choose a wife, natural disasters just happen!!!!!!

   When you steal a woman from another man in the middle of their relationship, don't be surprise tomorrow when someone else steals her from you coz she has already proven that she is steal-able.

   My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.

   Now is the later I avoided earlier.

   Either the world didn't end, or heaven looks a lot like my apartment.

   The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.

   The less power a man has, the more he likes to use it. That's why bouncers are d!cks.