Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I don't know how many girls it takes to change a light-bulb but I guarantee you they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.

   Sometimes it takes a friend to tell you to get your head out of your ass, here's to you my friend!

   if drinking and driving is illegal, then why the hell do bars have a parking lot?

   Fellas, you can usually judge a woman's hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a slut.

   Wedding's in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.

   I almost forgot to update my status that I'd been to the gym. What a waste of a workout that would have been!

   Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll. Speed, Weed, birth control. Peace, Pot, Tequila shot. Jesus loves us stoned or not.

   And I was like "No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."

   If I were a girl who knew a lot about cars, I'd open up a body shop called Lady Parts.

   You ever had such unbelievable sex, that it made you forget your own name... at least the fake one you gave her at the bar?

   Fact: If you break a $100 bill to buy something you will spend the rest before the day is up.

   I don't just cross the line, I f*cking set up camp there and get comfortable.

   I don't just cross the line, I f*cking set up camp there and get comfortable.

   doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.

   To all the women I've loved before, I have found someone better.

   Telling a cop you are so high you thought you were in London wont get you out of a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road.

   When someone says they know a person just like me and I have to meet them, I know that when I meet them I'll be insulted.

   Almost everything I've done today has been done like a Rhinestone Cowboy.

   REALLY annoyed. I got asked to leave the supermarket for doing what one of their supid signs said: "Wet Floor." Bunch of retards.