Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Someone gave me a CD rack yesterday, which would have been an awesome gift if this was 1994.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having one of those 'wish I lived in Amsterdam' kinda days.
←Rate | 06-27-2011 15:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Officer the only reason I'm speeding is because I'm late...and stopping me for 15 minutes to give me a ticket is only going to make me speed even more!
←Rate | 03-17-2012 15:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who walk on I-95 are so friendly. I've gone past 3 in the last hour and they all gave me the thumbs up.
←Rate | 06-03-2012 20:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I switched to Herbal Essences shampoo, but quickly discovered that I don't have a clit on top of my head like those women in the commercials.
←Rate | 06-14-2011 13:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man an inch he takes a mile... give a woman an inch and she will laugh her f*cking head off!!
←Rate | 09-30-2011 11:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just read a sign that says "Watch for Deer" and I was like "No, I don't take orders from a sign." Hahaha... No but seriously, it's been like 16 hours and I haven't seen anything.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 23:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trust gets you killed. Love gets you hurt. Being real gets you hated.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon WTF is with the "poke" suggestions on Facebook? I just poked TWO guys, thinking that THEY poked ME first?
←Rate | 05-16-2012 22:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon All this learning to share crap when I was a child seems redundant when I'm supposed to have a monogamous relationship as an adult.
←Rate | 11-02-2011 19:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything from TV it's that kids will never be successful athletics or honor students unless I drive a minivan.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 16:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon It's recycling day and based on the bin I just put out, there's a fraternity that I don't know about living somewhere in my house.
←Rate | 10-04-2010 19:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution, but in the end, being part of the problem is much more fun.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 15:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate whoever invented 6:30 am
←Rate | 11-19-2010 13:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to save my children some money down the road so I already purchased my headstone for the cemetery. It reads "I'm not dead yet."
←Rate | 11-03-2011 15:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I reviewed the statistics, crunched some numbers and calculated the risk and discovered that the chances of me get ran over while sitting on my couch are far less than they are when I am jogging. I must be lazy for my wellbeing.......
←Rate | 05-25-2012 15:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to spread the most news in the least time is to disguise it as a secret.
←Rate | 06-27-2012 23:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was hanging around after one of the local field meets last night when I decided to try my hand at pole vaulting. Let me tell ya, if you're ever looking for a guy to make two small poles out of one big one, I'm your man.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 16:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Rolling a piece of toilet paper up and sticking it in your ear and just letting it hang there makes it awkward for people to talk to you.
←Rate | 10-03-2011 12:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of getting married, I'm just gonna cut through all the other stuff and just buy someone I hate a house, and give them half my stuff.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 09:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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