Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When I was a kid squirt guns were my favorite toy... Now I'm an adult and making women squirt is my favorite thing. I guess some things never change!
←Rate | 03-17-2012 15:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, Facebook is blue. You look bangable, so I'll add you.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 21:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m just glad it’s almost Friday! It’s almost Friday, right? Well, it’s close to Friday. It’s never going to be Friday is it?
←Rate | 06-24-2013 20:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am inventing a paint that is the same color and texture as bug guts because I don't like to wash my truck...
←Rate | 05-25-2012 14:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon F*ck an alarm system. I've seen "Home Alone," I know what to do.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 21:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing funnier than a pissed off mall cop on a Segway. With those goofy helmets on, I just can't take them seriously.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going back to traffic school to get my Masters.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to come up with a medical term for that feeling that you get on a Sunday night, knowing that you'll be back at work for another week come Monday morning. And quickly, because I need to phone in sick for tomorrow.
←Rate | 11-18-2012 17:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.
←Rate | 04-27-2011 14:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend spends every night in town, going into bar to bar. And she always f*cking finds me.
←Rate | 07-25-2012 12:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been living dangerously for the last couple of weeks. My girlfriend got a new cookbook for Christmas.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 18:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend says I'm a bad influence on her kids. Probably because now every time she tells them "Stop," they reply with either "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
←Rate | 06-30-2012 19:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a photo enforced traffic light, I pose and wave as I run it, tons of adoring fans at the county courthouse send me letters.
←Rate | 09-29-2010 15:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It feels SO GOOD to get things accomplished... or at least I imagine it does. Do something and tell me what it's like.
←Rate | 06-12-2010 07:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I caught myself smiling... I was thinking of you... Don't flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having 50 girlfriends isn't swag. Having 1 girlfriend and 49 chasing you is...
←Rate | 08-24-2016 17:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is precious and short. If you have time today, make sure to tell your enemies to f*ck off before they die and you're too late.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.
←Rate | 07-23-2010 07:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your friends aren't making fun of you, they're not really your friends.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 17:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  



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