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   messageicon My 4yo asked for a skeleton to sleep in her room with her, in case you’re wondering the level of freak show I can inspire
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Giving my kid some valuable life advice] If you’re having cereal for dinner, you have at least two bowls. Otherwise it’s just a snack.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 10:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for her birthday! The Hoover sure works great now.
←Rate | 10-05-2020 13:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found out that my girl puts peas in her Mac n Cheese… Our whole relationship is a lie… Why couldn’t she just sleep with someone else like a normal person?
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really just spent $40 on a costume for my dog so I can win a work pet costume contest for a $10 coffee gift card. Do I regret it? Nope. Karen from accounting and her cat are going down
←Rate | 10-12-2020 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s ok, gas station bathroom motion sensor lights, I forgot I was here too.
←Rate | 10-21-2020 06:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I don’t know…this one has a great turning radius but the other one just looks better. Husband: For God’s sake, just grab the next available shopping cart!
←Rate | 10-28-2020 07:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found eleven dollars in the dryer this morning and spent the rest of my day interviewing investment advisors.
←Rate | 12-01-2020 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cyber Monday but instead of buying more stuff, I get rid of it by putting it in Amazon boxes on my porch and let it get stolen
←Rate | 12-01-2020 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like ever since Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar he has just been driving around in Lincolns drinking Wild Turkey
←Rate | 04-13-2017 22:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender can I tell everyone that "Yeah, I Juice."
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure my $2 Sportsclips coupon already told you I am not interested in the $60 shampoo, but thanks for showing it to me anyway.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 00:34 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 21:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
←Rate | 05-12-2017 10:18 by koolfingaz Comments (10)  


   messageicon Lady Gaga, Demi Lovato, Hillary Duff and Beyonce say they are sending their prayers to Houston. I feel like such a jerk. All I sent was money.
←Rate | 08-29-2017 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a Black Friday thing a my sweetheart’s house… all clothes were 100% off.
←Rate | 11-25-2017 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That Jussie dude sounds like such an A-hole you'd think he could have just gotten beat up based on his personality.
←Rate | 02-21-2019 12:41 Comments (6)  


   messageicon People in ancient times believed that they were responsible for the changing climate. (human sacrifice to the gods) I’m so glad that we have advanced enough that we don’t believe in that nonsense anymore.
←Rate | 05-28-2021 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .
←Rate | 04-18-2021 20:04 Comments (0)  



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