Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   WEDDING: Point at which a male's opinions become utterly worthless.

   I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

   going on a journey to the deepest darkest corners of my bedroom in search of what some may call a "floor"

   wonders if it is only him, that has had a fly or small bug land on his computer screen and been daft enough to try and scare it with the cursor?

   Success is not defined by obtaining everything you want, but by appreciating everything you have.

   should not be used by women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant.

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   ■Unlike drugs, Facebook addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life

   Genius - The ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense

   Its all fun and games until the k9 unit shows up and tell you to pop open the trunk. I wish I was never born

   YOU'RE just another brick in the Facebook wall!

   "You know you've been tagged in a photo on Facebook when there you've got more than 17 Notifications from people you don't know commenting on a photo of you.

   Instead of all this nonsence with an hour here or there or mess around with the whole leap years crap. We should accumulate the time for an extra day on the weekend!.

   A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers

   There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.

   I'm not a tease. I just sobered up thats all.

   If you think I'm crazy now, try me either WITH alcohol or WITHOUT sedatives

   These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.

   if you can't learn from your mistakes try doing them again

   Most people don't act stupid – it's the real thing.