Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Bartender, I'd like to buy that table of women debating their favorite season of The Bachelor a round of cats"

   News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.

   Am I the only one that thought Ghana would come out wearing their 2014 Miami Heat NBA Champions shirts?

   Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.

   A pine tree planted in 2004 in memory of former Beatle George Harrison in a Los Angeles park has died after being infested by beetles.

   $950 for an iPhone 6 off contract’)... Airplane mode better take me on vacation

   Cougars should be called eager beavers.

   Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.

   I didn't realize the AIDS epidemic was so bad, they say one in every two and a half men have it

   The government shut down? Hmm.. Didn't notice any difference...

   being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible

   You haven't lived until you've had an 80 year old white woman push past you at the liquor store and call you a "f aggot"

   I wonder if cat parents are telling their kittens about the good old days, when they could sleep on top of the TV.

   Here's a thought: Let's let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.

   ATTENTION: The Apocalypse scheduled for this year has been canceled due to time zone confusion.. sorry for the inconvenience.. they will try again next year

   I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house. :)

   Mom trying to play Call of Duty, and she thinks the Kill Cam is her killing someone. Getting tired of hearing "I GOT ONE!".....every 5 seconds...

   i asked God to protect me from my enemines. Then all of a sudden I started losing "friends".

   My mom isn't too good with computers, so I like to leave a screenshot of the Google home page open and then watch her lose her damn mind.

   At school we learn that the sun rises in the east but in fact, the sun neither rises nor sets. Only earth rotates. Education spoils our common sense sometimes.