Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Here's hoping Justin Beiber's balls drop along with the New Year's one.

   Life's a b!tch, because if it were a slut, it'd be easy.

   "mmhmm" is equal to "yea yea I still dnt believe ur ass" .......

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   For a quiet ride, buckle the empty seatbelt beside a child and tell them not to wake up the ghost.

   My d*ck was in the Guinness Book of World Records but then the librarian told me to take it out

   A slut is simply a woman with the morals of a man.

   Take photos of friends with their face squished against glass. Assign to your phone contacts, it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone.

   out dealin w/ things way beyond his maturity level...

   To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

   URGENT! FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT! An email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. THIS IS A VIRUS. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Setting>Enable Webcam> Record Movie. Please repost it to your status!!!

   "used to care, but now I take a pill for that!! "

   May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of any person who ruins my day and may their arms be too short to scratch

   some old man is claiming Oprah is his daughter.... I think she should atleast interview him on her show. Not because he's her alleged father but because he's a black man admitting he's the baby daddy!

   I never comment on a joint FB account post because I never know who said it, the wife or the p ussy.

   Do camels think their feet looks like pussies?

   I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

   Bacon is the highest it’s ever been, car dealerships have no new vehicles, 200,000 houses are now 450,000 and grocery store shelves are empty half the time. Things are going so well right now. Thanks, Joe.

   The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan - then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his p*ssy.

   3 things in this world scare me: 1. scorpions 2. jellyfish 3. streets named after civil rights leaders at night.