Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My temptation and my common sense are having one hell of a battle...
←Rate | 08-04-2011 04:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I came home today I brought in a box of tampons and a package of Tylenol... She told me she's not on her period and she doesn't have a headache. Yup, she was tricked into sex again.
←Rate | 08-01-2012 21:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In yoga it's called the "downward dog" ... In the bedroom it's called "only because it's your birthday."
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I visit a friend who greets me with "make yourself at home," I kick him out of the house because I hate visitors!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.
←Rate | 11-06-2010 12:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn't mind driving a tractor around.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 11:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just bought some "ribbed cotton tank t-shirts" at WalMart. You'd think that'd be the one place on earth they'd call them wifebeaters.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't awesome. THAT would be scary.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 16:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you're here reading my status wasting valuable work time or just procrastinating. Don't feel so bad, I procrastinated and then wasted valuable work time writing it.
←Rate | 06-28-2011 13:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a lesbian c0ckblocks another lesbian, would it then be considered a beaver dam?
←Rate | 08-24-2011 10:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Handicap people should get a $200 ticket for parking in the regular spots.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 21:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: "Do you know why I stopped you?" Me: "Because... you caught up to me."
←Rate | 07-14-2011 13:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you hit someone in the rear that you are at automatic fault? If you honk your horn .01 seconds after the light turns green, then I hope you can back up faster than I can.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 13:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend said I need to be more affectionate... Now I have 2 Girlfriends!
←Rate | 09-14-2011 16:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon People ask me... Why do you keep your wallet in your front pocket? I say... I like walking towards money not away from it.
←Rate | 12-19-2010 14:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any questions asked while I am counting out scoops of coffee will be answered with louder counting.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 10:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm too lazy to I throw my hands up in the air and wave them like I just don't care. THAT'S how much I don't care!
←Rate | 04-12-2012 16:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's ironic that we call it "common" sense when there seems to be such a lack of it.
←Rate | 06-08-2011 12:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between a good night and a great night is waking up nude.
←Rate | 06-27-2011 15:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "How are feeling today?" is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
←Rate | 11-18-2010 14:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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