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suffers from compulsive-indecisive disorder. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now. 
Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.
loves the Snooze button on his alarm clock because there is nothing like starting out your day with a little procrastination
playing stupid and winning !
thank god I'm ambidextrious and thank you redtube
Step 1: Go to Google. Step 2: Type “who's the cutest”. Step 3: Hit I'm Feeling Lucky. Step 4: Enjoy.
Learn how to spell Science you ruhtard
Ever look at your friend's photos and think, "If you only knew what I did with her before she started seeing you."
- Awesome high speed chase on FoxNews ending with the guy ramming the back of a tanker truck carrying Orange Juice. Anyone else find it ironic that O.J. actually STOPPED a high speed chase????
If this were Lord of the Flies, you'd be dead already.
Being a responsible adult is seriously messing up my social life.
come to the conclusion, that boxer briefs are like a bra for my balls
Dear Hillary Clinton: Unlike Liberal Democrats ..... Being Inept and Absolutely Flippant and Negligent with secure US secrets and total disregard for Security Protocol are not exactly the best qualifications that I am looking for in a President.
Steve Harvey... The happiest man in America today.
Forty percent of sports fans leave games with alcohol in their blood, according to the dumbest study ever conducted.
Lying through your teeth doesn't count as flossing
You look familiar to me. Are you the person that my parents warned me about? If so... do you wanna get a room?
You do know that you stand a better chance of being attacked by a polar ninja than winning the megamillions
I bet karate experts have a tough time convincing their enemies to lie down flat between two cinder blocks.
Nowadays People know the price of everything, But the value of nothing.
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