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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 102 of 134
I asked my girlfriend to pour some sugar on me. That stuff is basically like sand, and I feel sticky and itchy as hell. F*ck you, Def Leppard.
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06-13-2011 15:37 by
Marshall the Great
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Rise and shine to all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, don't get greedy, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night. -_-
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07-25-2012 11:08 by
Marshall the Great
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"I love my cable company! Their customer service and pricing can't be beat! I'm glad I have no other options!" said no one ever.
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11-19-2010 15:58 by
Marshall the Great
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The definition of being stupid: seeing the truth, knowing the truth, and choosing to still believe the lies... with a smile.
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05-24-2011 09:40 by
Marshall the Great
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When I broke up with my ex girlfriend she threatened to kill herself. One year later she got married. Close enough.
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09-04-2011 19:05 by
Marshall the Great
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Santa only gives my kids undies and socks. All the cool stuff comes from dad. They don't like Santa much.
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12-12-2011 19:54 by
Marshall the Great
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No thanx, bootleg cologne man. I'll pass. I prefer NOT to smell like Febreze mixed with old hotdog water.
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04-04-2012 16:29 by
Marshall the Great
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I never knew that Abraham Lincoln was such a badass, killing vampires and freeing slaves, I think he is my new favorite president, step aside Grover Cleveland.
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07-25-2012 11:59 by
Marshall the Great
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Never heard ladies getting so excited about something that is only 4 inches long.... Well done iPhone5.
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09-26-2012 21:06 by
Marshall the Great
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They say you are what you eat. I don't recall eating a legend.
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10-31-2012 12:47 by
Marshall the Great
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I have a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT.
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06-05-2010 12:52 by
Marshall the Great
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Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.
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11-24-2010 20:10 by
Marshall the Great
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Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing.
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12-04-2010 08:08 by
Marshall the Great
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If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.
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05-25-2012 18:20 by
Marshall the Great
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I must say you really have a open mind... and a mouth to match.
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04-27-2011 14:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Bacon pie crust. Does that exist? Because if it doesn't I think I'm going to be a millionaire.
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05-16-2012 18:06 by
Marshall the Great
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Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of f*cking idiot?
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04-22-2012 22:25 by
Marshall the Great
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Not too concerned about the past, but the present, that's a different story. Did you bring me a present? In the future bring a present.
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09-14-2011 15:13 by
Marshall the Great
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it just me or has the iPhone gone from spell correction to straight up "no no you would much prefer THIS random word" correction?
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08-30-2011 13:18 by
Marshall the Great
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I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
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06-04-2013 18:14 by
Marshall the Great
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