Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I asked my girlfriend to pour some sugar on me. That stuff is basically like sand, and I feel sticky and itchy as hell. F*ck you, Def Leppard.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 15:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rise and shine to all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, don't get greedy, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night. -_-
←Rate | 07-25-2012 11:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I love my cable company! Their customer service and pricing can't be beat! I'm glad I have no other options!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 15:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The definition of being stupid: seeing the truth, knowing the truth, and choosing to still believe the lies... with a smile.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I broke up with my ex girlfriend she threatened to kill herself. One year later she got married. Close enough.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 19:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa only gives my kids undies and socks. All the cool stuff comes from dad. They don't like Santa much.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanx, bootleg cologne man. I'll pass. I prefer NOT to smell like Febreze mixed with old hotdog water.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 16:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never knew that Abraham Lincoln was such a badass, killing vampires and freeing slaves, I think he is my new favorite president, step aside Grover Cleveland.
←Rate | 07-25-2012 11:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never heard ladies getting so excited about something that is only 4 inches long.... Well done iPhone5.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 21:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say you are what you eat. I don't recall eating a legend.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 12:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT.
←Rate | 06-05-2010 12:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 20:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing.
←Rate | 12-04-2010 08:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 18:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must say you really have a open mind... and a mouth to match.
←Rate | 04-27-2011 14:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bacon pie crust. Does that exist? Because if it doesn't I think I'm going to be a millionaire.
←Rate | 05-16-2012 18:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of f*cking idiot?
←Rate | 04-22-2012 22:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not too concerned about the past, but the present, that's a different story. Did you bring me a present? In the future bring a present.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 15:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or has the iPhone gone from spell correction to straight up "no no you would much prefer THIS random word" correction?
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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