Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Whenever a woman says, "I'm going out tonight with the girls;" I like to think she's referring to her boobs.

   Whoopi Goldberg and Flava Flav should just gone head & admit that Lil Wayne is their child.

   [ ] single. [ ] taken. [X] I get about as much attention as a white crayon.

   When someone sends you a text that says “call me”. Why didn't you just damn call me?

   The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

   The worst = telling an awesome story and realizing halfway through that you should not be telling it to that person.

   Breast Awareness month: we stare because we care.

   I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything.

   Money can buy a fine dog...but only love can make him wag his tail.

   When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

   Just because you attract a lot of nasty skanks does not mean you're a stud. It means that your own kind recognizes you.

   Kids are more fun when you can give them back.

   life is too ironic to understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, Noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.

   I once had a life … then some idiot came and told me to make a Facebook!

   Facebook went down on millions of users and all I can say is, You Whore!

   All Lives including Blue Lives Matter

   The local car wash had a special "Brazilian Wax", now my car's carpet is gone....

   Well another gold for Canada in hockey. Gotta love it! You americans played a good game but this was our night. But you americans don't need to feel bad, one of your teams will probily be bringing home the Stanley Cup, so it kinda evens out.

   believes in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it

   The sexual position, more commonly known as 69 will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it use to.