Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.

   If you get any dumber, you might wanna put your helmet on.

   If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.

   To drink or not to drink would be a stupid f*cking question! Cheers motherf*ckers!

   My girl says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.

   I want to be there when Google takes the street view picture of my address. The possibilities are endless.

   How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so?

   My boss accuse me of being immature, but I had my hands over my ears and told him I wasn't listening.

   I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, & Real Sh!t..

   If you're reading this and you're under 12 years old... Don't grow up, it's a f*cking trap.

   When I say, "Hold that thought," it's just a polite way of saying I'm not interested.

   I threatened a man with a knife today. It was a bit silly really, he could have stabbed me.

   It isn't until all's been said and done that you actually realize all you should have said and done.

   Have you ever lost your sunglasses on top of your head?...me neither...

   When people say "don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful" you shouldn't answer with "Don't worry, I have plenty of other reasons to hate you."

   ...When she walked away her ass looked like 2 midgets fighting under a blanket.

   When people ask me dumb questions, my doctorate degree in sarcasm requires that I give them a sarcastic answer. What!? I took an oath!

   The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that.

   I like to write a bunch of nonsense on Facebook walls when I'm drunk and announce the next day that my account was hacked.

   The key to successful relationships is not to start any.