aaron Funny Status Messages

   don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

   Ever notice the roof of your car is the worst cup holder ever?

   I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.

   One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.

   I can't believe Google is c0cky enough to start guessing after one letter.

   I'm no longer addicted to carving jack-o-lanterns. All thanks to the pumpkin patch.

   They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We'll see.

   Today's level of difficulty is shaping up to be "Wheelie on a unicycle."

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   Just entered hour nine of an overly-dramatic sigh.

   If he were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

   I can ignore you so hard you will begin to doubt your own existence.

   If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car.

   I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.

   You'd think Tigger and Eeyore would have traded some of their meds.

   "Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider.

   There should be a mandatory day on facebook where everyone must turn off their spell-checker so we can weed out the retards.

   I don't like people who can't make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.

   I hate to brag, but it's the most effortless way to enlighten people about my magnificence.

   Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper "You can see me?"..