jitney Funny Status Messages

   Whoever invent Hallway Swimming....go Twerk a HarlemShake sit down and Plank your Owls self somewhere! -

   I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"

   Ya know, those JP Wentworth commercial are lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!

   it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?

   The New TV show the "HOSTAGE" should of been about how government hold its Citizens hostage....Oh wait a minute... isnt it?

   It's Father's Day not FARTHERS DAY Ladies

   Every since we got a Handicap permit, It's like everybody got one and I can't never find Handicap parking Now.

   This man just said he date homeless women because you can drop them off anywhere

   I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!

   Yes, Peyton..... Choking is cover under the obamacare! -Mr President

   Before facebook, I use to wait about a week for Walgreens to develop my pictures, to show my friends how good I lok in the Bathroom

   If you don't want the answer to smack you straight in the mouth then I think it's probably best left un said!

   WORK THIS WEEK??? - My MIND TELLING me NOOOOOoooo!!!, but my wallet telling me...dude You need more alcohol!!

   Instead of thinking outside the box, why dont we get rid of the box?

   Typical lol, how all of Boston is on lockdown and businesses are close, except for the Dunken doughnuts which is mandated to run for the duration of the Manhunt!

   Leaving work for lunch.....hmmm...wait a minute....What the helll am I talking about....I dont even have a job.

   Vagiinas are like the weather if its raining and wet, Its time to go inside!

   I think I'm emotionally constipated cuz I haven't been given a SHhhhit in days!

   Anyone remembers walking far away from your house just to see how good is your wireless home phone reception before it goes out?.....Man did those phones have good battery- life

   My famly takes monopoly very serious. Everyone brings their own calculator cuz we dont trust any Bankers since the bailout!