tsparks Funny Status Messages

   If you never jumped from one couch to the other to save yourself from the lava then you didn't have a childhood

   I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice

   That one minute party you have when the teacher leaves the room

   SCARIEST THING EVER: Flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down

   Dropped my wallet today & a homeless guy chased me down to give it back. I was so moved I took out all of my money & gave him a free wallet.

   smaller the breasts, better the eye contact

   Did you know "bathtub" backwards is still "bathtub"? It's not, but for a second there you believed me

   *Low battery* *Low battery* *Low battery* Well apparently you have enough battery to Remind Me every 2 seconds

   I'm not a Justin Bieber fan, I don't even like the music. But seriously, I'm sick of all the hating. I don't care how the singer looks like. I'm not defending anyone, but didn't your parents teach you to respect women?

   Why post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'OMG I'm sooooooo ugly or fat' and then get annoyed when I agree?

   I went to Wal-Mart to buy shampoo. Spent $150 and forgot the shampoo

   I failed the quiz by 1 point, the last question was " where do most women have curly hair" apparently the correct answer was "Africa"..

   i have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

   Did you know, That if you yell "bloody Mary" 3 times in front of ur mirror at 3AM ur mom will show up & tell you to shut up and go to bed?

   I may look calm but in my head I've killed you 3 times

   thinks that If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish all a Happy Saturday!

   why is it that when you fart silent somebody rushes towards you to talk, hugs you, or sits behind you??

   I respect the person who let girls into the army. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable

   Everything seems to be louder, when you dont want anybody to wake up