g0re Funny Status Messages

   Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....

   I hate when you click a thumbnail to view a larger picture but the picture ends up being the same size as the thumbnail.

   Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."

   People think i'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a f*ck what they're talking about.

   It's annoying when you think of an awesome idea or thing to do and within the next few minutes, you completely forget what it was, but the memory of how awesome it was still lingers.

   My son just spoke his first words to me: 'Dad, where the f**k have you been the last 20 years?!' It was so cute.

   If you are the "other person" in a relationship and eventually get together, you have no reason to be angry if they cheat on you later.

   It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.

   Am I the only one that when somebody says "10 years ago", thinks about 90's instead of 2002?

   Why is that girls in tamp0n commercials dance and laugh? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burn!ng sh!t down?

   Due to the Global Financial Crisis, Ke$ha will now be known as Ke¢ha.

   What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing they just waved...Do you SEA what I did there?...I'm SHORE you did, BEACH.

   .I hate it when celebrities get on TV and tell us to donate to some fund… B!tch, you make 12 million a movie & I make $12/hr. You send money..

   He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good… Sounds like Santa's got a Facebook.

   How come rappers always brag about being criminals and committing crimes, but then whine like little babies when people illegally download their music. Dang hypocrites.

   There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

   There's that little bit of you that secretly thinks you'll be famous some day.

   Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a $100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?"

   Without that little voice in your head you wouldn't be able to read this.

   Your manners slowly disappear the more you have to repeat something. Example: Can you pass the salt? The salt, can you pass it. No. The SALT. GIVE ME THE SALT!