Indy Dave Funny Status Messages

   Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!

   Bruce and Kris Jenner officially file for divorce today. Or as most see it, the next step in Bruce's sex change. He is probably already wearing capri pants by now.

   We need naked bitstrip cartoon people if this is going to work. Just my opinion.

   I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn't like to be trapped by boobies????

   Ben Roethlisberger was just on an NFL commercial saying what he was thankful for. He forgot to mention not being charged or found guilty of sexual assault. twice.

   If I win the Powerball, I'm gonna buy Bruce Jenner and turn him back into a man. Just for fun.

   I bought some sparkly wrapping paper thinking it was like a simulated sparkly kind. It is actually made out of sparkles. Well, now my floor, face, hands, clothes and kid look like Diamond Cherry Serenity & Candi came over to my house after the strip club.

   we have some potentially severe weather headed our way this evening. please make sure you have your emergency kit: alcohol, lube, porn, blow up girlfriend, pain pills, heroin and a football helmet. Stay safe my friends!

   Anthony Weiner is still sexting... really, who cares??? However, if my last name were weiner and I had a son, I totally would have named him "Gigantic"

   I don't know if anyone ever does anything as much as LL Cool J licks his lips.

   Fun Fact of the Day: Of the 236 episodes of the great show "Friends" Jennifer Aniston has 'pokies' in 217 of them.

   I bet midgets are very busy this time of year... with all of the elf jobs and such...

   The thermometer on my cars says, "FU_____CK YOU!"

   Pro life tip:I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to not break the law.If I do break the law, then I comply with their authority.If I do not agree with their authority I surrender and allow due process with an attorney.

   Taken 27 coming to theaters in January 2029.

   I think the Oscars would be a lot more interesting if they had a "Best Nip Slip" category... or "Best Back Burger."

   Fort Hood suffers tradegy again. Perhaps they should change it to Fort Suburbs.

   I don't want to brag but I was the best Nintendo game blower in history.

   sometimes if there is a cute girl at the register, I'll purposely purchase a "magnum" when I check out. BOOM!

   I just had to cancel my Christian Mingle account... they found out I was on JDate.