sully Funny Status Messages

   Why can't we $hit like dogs, I'm tired of wiping my @ss......

   Sometimes I do FB with my 3D glasses on... It's almost like you guys are right here with me!!

   I blame Subway!! The kids had a better chance of outrunning Jared when he was fat......

   Just got kicked out of Subway for asking if I could get a footlong Spicy Italian in my Kids Meal....

   I don't care about gay marriage or the confederate flag. I care about Beer.... Is it 5 o'clock yet?

   If time is money.... Facebook owes me like...27 billion dollars...

   Friday the 13th might be an unlucky day, but when you live in the land of bacon, badasses and bald eagles, every day is a lucky day....... ‪#‎America‬

   I am getting pretty low on Girl Scout Cookies.... Threat Level: Orange

   It's so sad that Leonard Nimoy didn't live long enough to find out what color that dress was.....

   Damn it...... I've been eating Thin Mints like crazy and haven't lost a freakin pound?

   If global warming gets any worse we're all going to freeze to death!

   Report: Buffalo is running out of beer...guys we are basically district 12 from the hunger games...the end is ne

   Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....

   MSNBC: quickly moving back to Bridgegate....CNN: quickly moving back to missing airplane.....Fox News: laughing their asses off......

   Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!

   *spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?

   I think the CDC Director needs to resign and let Dr. House save us all from Ebola.....

   Breaking News: NFL is going to investigate the Falcons for Domestic Violence against the Bucs...

   Hey NFL,solution to your recent problem,start allowing players to hit each other on the field again......

   SAFETY REMINDER: If you encounter an NFL Running Back this weekend, Keep your distance and do NOT approach them....