jimbo Funny Status Messages

   I hold my Nintendo gun sideways when I'm playing Duck Hunt cause I'm a Gangsta!

   The Republicans have announced they intend to make it more difficult to claim benefits. Starting next week the forms will only be printed in English.

   My Nan has found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.

   One hot sunny afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn-chair drinking beer and listening to the game, while his wife mowed the lawn. The Lady next store observed this and scolded him.... "How can you sit there and let your wife do the hard work? Any man w

   busy re-wrapping extra strength chocolate ex-lax in Hershey miniature wrappers for the Trick or Treat-ers this week end.

   "Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider.

   I thought I saw a two headed turtle once, but it turned out he was just having a sh!.

   What do women and dog sh!t have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up

   Schizophrenia - together I can beat it.

   I hate how mainstream and famous the miners have become. I liked it when they were a bit more underground.

   Sean Connery came round my house to put some shelves up. They weren't level, so all my ornaments fell off. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "I'm ashamed of my shelf"

   Michelle Obama has been picked as the world's most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place:............. Justin Bieber.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'................. You probably saw our posters.

   The next person to tell me I overreact is going to get stabbed.

   They're going to be so pissed off in Chile when they get down the mine and only find Bart Simpson's walkie-talkie

   BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?

   Just treated myself to a couple of chocolate fingers ..... That's the LAST time I buy cheap toilet paper.

   I always carry a bottle of acid in my pocket so if anyone tries to.attack me I can throw it in their face. Then all I need to do is outrun them for an hour until they start tripping.

   Diarrhoea; the gay guys' period