jcgj Funny Status Messages

   Just accidentally swiped right on my ex's profile while scrolling through Tinder. My thumb must have been possessed by the ghost of relationship past. Had to perform some emergency thumb CPR to swipe left!

   Hello 911 a straight man is encouraging me to be my best self instead of bringing out the worst in me and idk what to do, send help.

   20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Jonny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

   Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bee eezz ... YOU'VE GOT MAIL !! 📭😁

   Beedo Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bleeda Bee eezz ... you've got mail !!

   I swear I can feel my brain buffering.

   How am I supposed to explain Daylight Savings Time to my neighbors dog?

   Lotto Max is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.

   I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss. 😁

   Don't honk at me asshole, I'm not on my phone. I missed the light change because I was trying to get that last french fry at the bottom of the box. 🍟 😒

   Maaaaay The 4th Be With You

   With you, may the fourth be — Yoda

   Strong with this fourth day of may, the force is — Yoda

   Word on the street is, Cookie Monster has tested positive for COVID. It's the Om nom nom nomicron variant.

   We used to be young and carefree, and now we have a favorite cashier at the grocery store.

   Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho! It's off to sleep I go. I'll crawl in bed and rest my head. Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!

   Ah, Easter. That lovely time of year that reminds you to take down the Christmas decorations.

   🎶 I got in one little fight and my mum got scared, 🎶 she said You can't slap Chris Rock because your wife has no hair.

   I miss the days when people’s biggest concern was Marilyn Manson.

   The “thank you wave”👋🏼 after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the one thing holding this fragile society together.