jb Funny Status Messages

   When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

   "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."

   Redneck word - Aspect: she got done skinny-dippin', passed out on that deck chair, and had her aspect by a woodpecker.

   I Had a dream of you! You were drowning and I could not save you. All of a sudden God appeared and said, Fear not my child, crap floats!

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   Its Funny How Sitting "Boy Girl Boy Girl" Used To Be a Punishment.

   Google is only 12 years old and knows even more than me.

   If I want to be part of your religion I would be the one to go to your church by myself. It doesn't bother if someone come to knock at my door, is the annoying way to try to change my believes that bothers me.

   Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better...

   U know I bet people would become a lot nicer if they sold people tags like they sell deer tags. Once a year you can buy a tag and take out that 1 special person

   "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." :)

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumbass put my cape on backwards"

   "if I knew then what I know now...I'd probably still find a way to screw it up!"

   if someone ever asks you what your favorite kind of beer is tell them " An open one!"

   Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.

   They say life is one long and crazy ride. I wanna know how the hell did I get a ticket and can I get a refund!

   If it doesn't kill me the first time... your damn right I'm gunna do it again!!

   I'm aging like a fine wine ... which is to say, I'm building up pressure and about to become uncorked!

   Had to call 911 today. They asked what my emergency was, I said, I'm being raped and robbed at the same time. They asked where I was, I said, The Gas Station!

   have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.