MikeM Funny Status Messages

   You will unlikely ever be the oldest person on the planet, but for a brief moment you held the record for the youngest.

   Due to a government shutdown, no one is "Engineering the electricals."

   "One, two, Freddy's comin' for you... Three, four, you'd better lock your door..." oh wait, wrong holiday!

   After the VMAs people everywhere are saying that Miley Cyrus is the most talentless, disappointing girl in the music industry... I'm sorry, but please don't take that title away from Justin Bieber..

   Teaching my kids some nursery rhymes for the first time... Damn you Andrew Dice Clay!

   My first cup of coffee is enjoyed with silence, thank you for understanding.

   When I say, "That's interesting", don't assume it is, or that you are right or that I even I agree with you; most likely it means I am not really listening...

   I love "words with friends" so much I wish they would make it a board game.

   Thank goodness Jon Bon Jovi is alive after all, Nickleback would be nothing without him.

   Alarm, snooze, check Facebook...

   I picked up a bad habit of reading text messages, and then verbally responding to them, and then putting my phone away.

   Dear Facebook, please remove the instant "share" button. The newsfeed was no much cleaner when people were just too lazy to copy and paste.

   *Solution to fix the problems you have with the new Facebook setup* First click the down arrow upper right corner, then click "Account Settings", then go to "security", select "deactivate account", small form to fill out, then confirm. Then go outside.

   In an effort to save the economy the Government will be downsizing the population. Soon it will begin eliminating all the ugly people. My eyes began to water and my heart dropped when I thought of you, hang in there my friend. Be strong.

   Grandmother died and in the will she left me the whole farm!! only later did I realized it was on Facebook. Well played Grandmother, well played.

   so "Diet Pepsi" and "Diet Coke" are now linked to increased weight, diabetes, risk of stroke/heart disease and they ruin your taste buds.... Can we change the name now to just "Gross Tasting Drink"?

   the world is ending Saturday??? Oh well this is bogus, it was supposed to be December 21, 2012?

   “I like smoking a pipe of sweet hemp.” – Abraham Lincoln

   making Sunday my favorite day since Rebecca Black ruined Fridays.

   changing my Facebook name to "Nobody", that way I can 'like' a stupid status and it will read "Nobody likes this."