Michael Askins Funny Status Messages

   The "running man" may no longer be a trendy dance move, but it's a cool way to get out of a boring conversation

   If your in the grocery store with your new iphone 7 and pay with food stamps don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.

   May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...

   Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...

   Facebook memories... Just in case you didn't have enough "WTF was I thinking" moments during the day..

   The government shut down? Hmm.. Didn't notice any difference...

   Spell check is for the week.

   Dear girl in Walmart, Yes it is summer but your shirt and shorts are way too small and you look like a half opened can of biscuits. Sincerely, The guy in line behind you clawing out his eyeballs..

   A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it as long as you want, but its not going anywhere..

   I may be reading too much into this, but I'm pretty sure this girl I met is stalking me... I saw her google my name last night through my binoculars.. I nearly fell out of the tree!!

   may the bridges I burn light my way...

   If people winked and "laughed out loud" in real life half as much as they did when they were texting the world would be a very creepy place ;) lol

   Everyone needs to just calm down, I have it on good authority that the Anthony case has been re-opened! There was a witness and he just so happens to be the presiding judge. Trial is set to begin the moment she takes her last breath.

   Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got

   I just seen someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty running down the road being chased by a Rottweiler..... Today is off to a great start!!!

   likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.

   Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose

   thinks spell check is for the week

   wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome

   Likes being vague.. because its almost as fun as doing this other thing..