John Funny Status Messages

   We Want Top Gear Back Now

   Its almost that time kids...Does everyone have their plungers ready?

   What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It's a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!

   the best way to end up divorced...get married.

   wondering what you would do for a klondike bar?

   Christmas tree sales are way down from last month...Come on people,christmas tree salesman gotta eat too!

   From now on I will only use blue SOLO cups,because of that STUPID STUPID song.

   A sure sign that drugs fu<k you up is that Russel Brand just filed for divorce from Katy Perry...WHAT,an idiot!

   .Merry Christmas to most,and to a select few of you may santa flush his $hitter over your chimney!

   If you put your kid's GPA in your Christmas card's the grandparents might be proud of them but everyone else is gonna think YOU'RE a di<k!

   When buying a new flat screen T.V, always remember to put the box in the neighbor's trash can so you don't get robbed.

   Your delusional,she wouldn't do you if your semen cured cancer!!!

   I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me.

   4/20 is the day that some of you celebrate smokin dope. 4/21 is the day your employer (If you have one) celebrates random drug testing!

   What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

   Todays suggestion...Someone just KILL terry jones,so more people dont die because of HIS stupidity. Like the GOVT hasent done it in the past,US citizen or not. Hell I'll do it,just give me the go ahead.

   Your eyes are red,the beer is green don't party too hard,your not Charlie Sheen!

   I had sex last night from 1:55 to 3:02...I thought I was a machine until I realized the time had just changed.

   In my opinion,nobody needs a girlfriend or boyfriend untill they get married...

   Who would have thought the Detroit Lions would have played the best football in the state of Michigan this weekend?