Jeff Funny Status Messages

   the S or the C silent in the word scent?

   I must have drank more than I thought last night...there's an entire hour that I don't remember!

   In a final selfless gesture, Abe Vigoda will be donating his ear hair to Locks Of Love.

   The Asians haven't been this embarrassed since William Hung was singing "She Bangs, She Bangs"

   RESEARCH: Tin foil hat club. Too much time on hands club. Lives in parents basement club.

   there is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot

   The political frustrations of this week remind me how happy I am to have allegiance to greater kingdom.

   99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 7%.

   My friend Mary joined me for dinner. I had a petite filet and Mary had a little lamb!

   if I took a drink every time Musburger said "Honey Badger", I would have passed out in the 3rd quarter.

   Everyday I'm shoveling!

   Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.

   Somewhere in Florida, a strip club just gained an employee.

   ran 2.7 miles today. apparently the ice cream truck doesnt have rear view mirrors.

   the pill...... the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy

   excuse me ma'am, how many ping pong balls can you fit in your mouth?

   In this kind of weather I expected to see more boobs hanging out.

   there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"

   When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!

   Jerry springer say's, "The difference between his guests and politicians are the number of their teeth."