Elbow Funny Status Messages

   should've known it wasn't going to work out between me and my ex. I'm a Leo and he's an A$$hole.

   : Awesome story dude.... Which chapter do you shut the f**k up?

   : You're the reason why God invented the middle finger.

   : Imagine the great things in a person's character you would miss out on if you limited yourself to a list of things you are looking for in a person.

   been so busy lately that even Facebook feels neglected

   : Dear Ex, Don't get your hopes up about the pics of us on Facebook. The reason why I haven't deleted some of the photos is purely because I look good in them.

   : Have you ever been the only sober person in a roomful of drunk people? ... Me neither.

   feels like a playa... just eye-f**ked these hot twins for a solid 10 seconds and I don't even know their names.

   : My neighbours liked my music so much, the called the cops to come and listen.

   : Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.

   lost the key to my imagination, and now I can't start my unicorn

   : Every day should be 'HUMP DAY'.... but not the Wednesday kind.

   : the only A+ I've gotten in life is my blood type

   that a friend in need is a friend indeed, but a 'friend' that is ALWAYS in need is getting on my nerves.

   gonna go to church to confess my sins but I drank so much last night I can't remember them.

   doesn't know whether last night's muchness wrapped up all the partying of 2010 or kickstarted another crazy year of fun fun FUN!

   : OK, I didn't get what I want for Xmas.... I'm coming after you FAT MAN IN A RED SUIT!!! And don't think I'm not gonna egg your sleigh either!

   just got my Xmas wishlist back from Santa with a little note attached... It said "LMAO! HELL NO!!!!

   : Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I've got five fingers, the middle one's for you.

   wants a dirty picture of you so I can add it to my Xmas wishlist to send to Santa