Dopey420 Funny Status Messages

   Take two, you know you got good bud when you stink up the whole HOUSE before you spark it. Sorry I'm high :D

   When someone says to me "hi how are you" I say "high how are you" and they never seem to get it.

   Regular a** (_!_) fat a** (__!__) tight a** (!) dumba** (_?_)

   Next up on espn , womans soc... click.

   My wife told me " it would be nice if you loaded the dishwasher once in a while after we eat." So after dinner tonight I'm going to buy her a 5th of jack.

   When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

   A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

   I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

   Hey youtubers, if your clip wasn't funny the first time around chances are reshowing it in slow mo isn't going to make it any funnier.

   I'm so sick of hearing about the rapture... Shut up already, if it happens we'll have all eternity to talk about it in he'll.

   AT&T should make a commercial with the pink dress girl naked and say, hey tmobile where is your clothes? And the girl can say you bought it right off my back.

   What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

   When I'm at a bar I aways look for a girl who has a tattoo. I see a tattoo, and I think, here's a girl who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

   Yesterday I told my girlfriend to come over because no one is home. I don't know why she was so mad when she arrived to my empty house. I said "no one".

   Missing wife and dog. Reward for dog.

   I just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms

   34 days till steak and rh day! :D

   If my girlfriend had a little plasma on her forehead with a football game on, I'd always give her my undivided attention.

   I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, men don't think like that. We think I wanna screw her! No sleep involved

   Can't we all just get abong?