DAVID Funny Status Messages

   So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's

   "You can't give the World to someone who's only ready for the city"

   can people who are paralysed from the waist down fart?

   "Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine."

   At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'

   " OMG ... I would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. " Barack Obama

   Hugo Chavez...Say hello to..Adolph Hitler/Vlad III the Impaler/Joseph Stalin/Benito Mussolini/Ivan the Terrible and your friend the.Great Antichrist...The enemy of righteousness the.prince of darkness, pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name!

   Hugo Chavez...Hey hey my my, the evil dictator finally died..And once you're gone, you can't come back, your so welcome to satan's act!

   Please help me! The invisible spider-monkeys are trying to sequester me!

   According to Nostradamus Prophecies, Politicians can resist a Nuclear Winter, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a direct Meteor Impact, the Jehovah's Witnesses & Mormons. But not a Sequester!

   "Girls Gone Wild"....Just Sequestered President Obama..I Betcha!

   Girls gone wild...Not the first time Bit@hes bankrupted a man..

   I make people guess the secret ingredients in my brownies.. hallucinating yet?

   I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence...And silence is not a punishment, at times it was a gift...

   I really hope the meteorite that crash in Russia doesn't affect the price of Vodka!...Cause I'll Go Mexican..Tequila!

   I think they should make Sarah Palin the new Pope. Cause she can see heaven from her back yard!

   Subway is being sued for lying about length?!?!?....Not the first time length has been lied about!

   When I'm alone my right hand starts to freak out..Im Sexy And I No It!

   I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!

   Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked be a judge on the next season of the X Factor. Personally I think she made the right decision.