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Next time I see a car with like, 90 stick children on it, I am taping a condom to the window.
57
10
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02-17-2014 20:18 by
CJ
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I must confess...I want to get back with my ex..LOL just kidding! I would rather Sh*t in my hand and clap!!!
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04-02-2013 01:51 by
CJ
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It's time for my weekly game of, "Let's see how long I can drive with my gas light on."
29
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04-02-2013 01:46 by
CJ
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My relationship status just changed to sweatpants oreos and netflix!
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04-02-2013 01:44 by
CJ
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0
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With all do respect to Whitney (may she RIP), why did she not fix her child's teeth!!
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11-01-2012 23:35 by
CJ
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apparently just having one of those days....tonight is definitely going to be sponsored by Coors light!!
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08-22-2012 19:23 by
CJ
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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08-01-2012 11:25 by
CJ
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Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone "Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who's phone you've just called." Problem solved!
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07-28-2012 13:07 by
CJ
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They say, "You are what you eat" That's funny. I don't remember eating a sexy beast this morning.
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07-24-2012 11:35 by
CJ
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B*tch please, I can remove 99% of your so called "Beauty" with a kleenex.
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07-24-2012 11:10 by
CJ
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Having kids is a lot like living in a frat house. Everythings sticky and your not quite sure why...
36
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07-13-2012 12:53 by
CJ
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Summer where all the days run into each other and every day is a saturday night!
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07-11-2012 19:10 by
CJ
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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, by the end you will wish you had a club and a spade.
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06-22-2012 20:50 by
CJ
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After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
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06-22-2012 11:13 by
CJ
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No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little.
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06-22-2012 11:11 by
CJ
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house
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06-22-2012 11:10 by
CJ
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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and enjoy life!!
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06-22-2012 11:08 by
CJ
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If I ever get rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
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06-22-2012 11:02 by
CJ
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Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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06-22-2012 10:58 by
CJ
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0
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
20
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06-22-2012 10:54 by
CJ
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