Brades Funny Status Messages

   The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.

   Seems like most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon.

   thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.

   getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   wishes I were more outdoorsy. Unfortunately, there are bugs outside.

   thinks if your dog is wearing clothes, you're probably an a-hole.

   only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.

   thinks BEER is the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was.

   doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.

   "Women are made to be loved, not understood." - Oscar Wilde

   would like to thank Facebook for reacquainting me not just with old friends but also with people I never liked much in the past and for reminding me why in the present.

   wishes I had a stunt double to get me through the rest of this day.

   just did a shot of wheatgrass* and now I'm off to the gym**! (*=bourbon, **=pub)

   going to write a meaningful new Facebook status update, filled with deep, thoughtful sentiments, but screw that.

   If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America!

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had.

   Vegans are secretly just anorexics trying to disguise it under a hippy guise of nutrition and compassion.

   You have never and will never start a trend. Stop claiming that things were your idea.