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Maureen Funny Status Messages
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When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice.
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02-21-2012 12:46 by
Maureen
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Whenever anyone asks me who I'm on the phone with I say...."Jake, from State Farm!"
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08-10-2012 09:25 by
Maureen
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Just heard a weird noise from the other room, but refuse to call out “Is anyone there?” I've seen the movies...those people always die!
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02-13-2012 23:37 by
Maureen
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Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.
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04-25-2013 21:11 by
Maureen
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My favorite yoga pose is the one where I stand upright, watching the class through the window while eating a cheeseburger.
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04-26-2012 20:49 by
Maureen
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has found that when my son says "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.
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02-21-2012 12:37 by
Maureen
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The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it”
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02-25-2012 21:16 by
Maureen
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Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress.......
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06-11-2012 22:37 by
Maureen
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Hey Customer Service - Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and fix it?!?
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04-11-2012 19:42 by
Maureen
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Kia recalls 146,000 US vehicles - there are gonna be a LOT of angry hamsters!
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01-23-2012 19:00 by
Maureen
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If at first you don't succeed, do it the way I told you!
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02-13-2012 22:06 by
Maureen
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The downside of being tolerant is all the stuff you have to tolerate.
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07-31-2012 09:12 by
Maureen
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Why won't the machines just take over already? I'm tired of doing stuff.
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04-02-2012 11:25 by
Maureen
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so passed caring about how I dress any more. I just put on whatever makes me not naked and hope for the best
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07-18-2012 20:37 by
Maureen
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Nothing ruins your Friday faster than realizing it's only Wednesday.
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08-01-2012 09:10 by
Maureen
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just finishing up my taxes and am now a little worried about my tax software. It just recommended I slip across the border into Mexico.
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04-01-2012 22:31 by
Maureen
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What the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH What my kids read: Touch when nobody is looking
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02-25-2012 21:14 by
Maureen
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just asked my son - where would you be without your mother? His answer: "Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger."
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02-15-2012 18:20 by
Maureen
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- since it is the thought that counts...I'll just keep sitting here THINKING about being productive this evening
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01-11-2012 20:40 by
Maureen
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would like "Reasons I Don't Want To Be At Work Today" for $200, Alex.
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04-14-2010 16:16 by
Maureen
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