Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
←Rate | 01-18-2018 06:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought an orange blanket. Now if I am late for work I can wrap it around me and say I was just rescued by the fire department
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a parent you always worry that you want to raise your children to be productive members of society......and then you go to Walmart.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 17:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All houses made out of wood are tree houses.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 23:52 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Burned almost a thousand calories with the treadmill today. Moved it into the basement, that sucker is heavy!
←Rate | 01-20-2018 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unless he releases a men’s fragrance, I think Elon Musk should be ordered to legally change his name.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 21:41 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon You people can keep blaming your weight or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself, most of you were Fat in December too
←Rate | 01-20-2018 04:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Society is going to judge you anyway, so do what makes you happy.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 17:20 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon The longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate it when you get it.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 17:32 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Domino's changed their marketing plan to just call me at random times and ask if they could send over a pizza, the answer would be yes every time.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kinda jealous how a rooster starts his day by screaming his head off, and we are all okay with that
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if I ever do remarry I am going to find one of those government agents who can't talk about what they do all day.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, your smart devices can talk to each other now and they are giggling about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 20:25 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m really confused as to why Kim & Kanye named their newborn “Chicago West” when Kanye is from the South Side of Chicago.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Crazy glue is like regular glue except it forgot to take its meds
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 04:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  

   messageicon I must be getting old. Since when does 2 to 4 inches of snow become a winter storm warning? Back when I was a kid, we just called flurries, and we complained it wasn't enough to even have a good snowball fight, let along close schools.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (2)  

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