Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Things you never hear: Please saw my legs off. Hand me that piano.Do what you want to the girl but leave me alone!
←Rate | 11-22-2017 11:17 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 manufacturers, each of whom was the lowest bidder? Anyways...have safe flight when you head home for Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-22-2017 10:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A buddy of mine told me he was having sex with twins... I asked how do you tell them apart... He said, Her brother has a mustache. . .
←Rate | 11-22-2017 10:05 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon On this Thanksgiving I am thankful to all of your post that make me look funny on Facebook.
←Rate | 11-22-2017 06:30 by Otis Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Watching Porn] How is there not lipstick everywhere?!
←Rate | 11-22-2017 01:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 21:52 by UKGuy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please buy my new book: Losing weight while staying drunk.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 19:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tom Steyer just donated 25 million to the, "Let's Get REALLY Dumb Foundation"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chuck Schumer just released a new book, it's called; "How to Be a Giant Jack A$$"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An untalented gymnast walks into a bar....
←Rate | 11-21-2017 16:28 by Sammy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sales of sexbots have been skyrocketing. I wonder if they make an underage one? That's gonna be the hot seller among Hollywood and Democrats.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 15:28 by TallMtnMan Comments (4)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 13:09 by AkeelyMac Comments (0)  


   messageicon My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic Comments (0)  


   messageicon After watching Lavar Ball I know know why his son steals and thinks he is entitle .
←Rate | 11-21-2017 09:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I get coffee at Starbucks and the guy asks me my name I read his name tag and say his name and then he's like "Nooo wayy! That's my name too!" and I go like "Nooo wayy!" and I always think I'll get something free but I don't.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 07:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you could cross a centipede with a turkey you would have enough turkey legs for everyone.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 07:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ugh. None of my Facebook friends have accepted my "Take Seven B&W Pictures of Your Life Print them Poster-Size, Tint them with Watercolors, Scan Them, Increase Vibrance by 50% then Post Each One with a 3-Word Description Challenge".
←Rate | 11-21-2017 05:03 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon So much for the party of family values. Republicans have now re-branded as the party of child molesters.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:20 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Sure hope no one has high expectations of me today.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 00:13 Comments (1)  


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