Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 5333

   messageicon I'm from ny where " keep talking" means you better shut the F#<k up
←Rate | 01-23-2019 13:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid we use to have wonder at times who are real friends were, but nowadays all you have to do is delate your facebook account and see who calls.
←Rate | 01-23-2019 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, the only password you had to remember was the one that got you into the treehouse.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I work in Customer Service because I'm really good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are very lucky that out of all the bodily functions that could have been contagious we got yawning.
←Rate | 10-24-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip #39 your wife won't start an argument with you if you're cleaning
←Rate | 01-10-2019 09:50 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I wonder where Noah kept the termites on the ark.
←Rate | 11-18-2018 02:25 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You had me at “we have a warrant”
←Rate | 12-22-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:05 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to have an imaginary friend, but now thanks to Facebook I have hundreds of them!
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:45 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew its descendant would be a pug. That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
←Rate | 10-26-2018 12:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This job is really getting in the way of my naps.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 06:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am concerned about the safety of my children most when they start smart-mouthing and rolling their eyes
←Rate | 02-09-2018 10:59 Comments (4)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left