anonymous Funny Status Messages

   wants to say to the nice stranger he saw while driving around, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."

   says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"

   9000 POEPLE ARE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW...2000 ARE KISSING...1000 ARE ENJOYING ORAL... AND ONE LONELY F##KER IS READING MY STATUS......YOU HANG IN THERE SUNSHINE

   Does anyone find themselves singing hollaback girl anytime they need to spell the word bananas?

   not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!

   The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

   was always taught, "You become what you eat." So he only eat rich foods. He's still waiting...

   wishes grass was emo so it would cut itself.

   thinks it is wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

   ashamed of what he did for a Klondike bar.

   "used to care, but now I take a pill for that!! "

   wondering why people think they are invisible when they pick their noses in the car?

   wishing my mouth had a backspace key.

   Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.

   letting you know your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory

   doesn't make mistakes, she dates them

   Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?

   If I found out I was going to be burned at the stake, I think I'd fill all my pockets with popcorn kernels

   Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"

   tired of chasing his dreams. I'm just going to ask where they are going and hook up with them later.