Keyboard Smasher 5000 Funny Status Messages

   organizing a flash mob at my place, Thursday 3pm. Bring lawnmowers.

   If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   A back-up plan means your plan sucks.

   In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to f*ck with you.

   thinks that you are never too old to talk into a fan to hear your robot voice.

   likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I'll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.

   If they ever invent a sensor for behind-your-back eye-rolls, I am so screwed.

   Sometimes I whisper, "I'm on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.

   Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them

   Lady Gaga taught me its okay to be different. Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I loveMost importantly, Rebecca Black taught me the days of the week.

   wears my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

   Admit It, At least once in your Life, You Have Tried To Squeeze your eyes Shut and Shoot Lasers Out of them With Intense Concentration.

   ■a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?

   always been a fan of myths and urban legends, like the unicorn, Candyman, and Friday productivity

   ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

   My Friend blames my Immaturity for getting him arrested! I'm not Immature! Hehe, Don't Drop the Soap!