K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   Remember when you'd be driving along and see a smashed cassette tape by the side of the road with the tape stretched out forever, flying on the breeze of every passing car? I miss those days.

   I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you "Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more".

   All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.

   I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.

   Don't you just hate those people that just stroll across the street like they are so important/cool and have no consideration for anybody else? I'm changing the sound of my horn to gunfire.

   I'm not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I'm forgetting to do.

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!

   Can't wait til Feb. 15th...otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate day.

   Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin....and muffins are healthy. Your welcome.

   Does anyone out there realize that reality shows are scripted and are not really reality?

   The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.

   Just demolished another box of macaroni and cheese buy trying to "Push here to open".

   Thanks to Jersey Shore, Crayola has a new color....Whorange.

   I could really, really use some shenanigans.

   Was at the drug store and the kid in front of me was buying Magnum condoms. I gave him a thumbs up. He said "Impressed?" I said "I am impressed, that you bought those with a straight face".

   One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.

   I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.

   These dating sites keep setting me up with weirdos, then I realized that they match you with people with similar interests.