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bought some sea sickness tablets for my holiday. On the side of the box, under the list of possible side effects: 'May cause nausea' - yeah thanks for that! 
that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...
Did I just say that! Or did I think it! Damn they spotted me..
If age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?
So tired of these new gadgets and the companies trying to monopolize the programs, I am going back to my pencil and a piece of paper!!!
Making a pot of coffee so I can get ready to go out and have coffee.
"I'm sorry, am I boring you?" "Yes you are, I appreciate your apology."
I don't want to know the Daily Recommended Value. I want to know the Daily Maximum Value that I can consume before I get either fat or diabetes.
was always taught, "You become what you eat." So he only eat rich foods. He's still waiting...
yes, sarcasm is one of the services we offer here
wonders if people in France say "Pardon my English" when they swear..
Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
highly recommended and there's no need for a second opinion.
thinks that by the time we finally figure life out the alzheimers kicks in and we forget it all...
believes that sometimes it's best to not question your friend. Just help them dump the body bag into the river.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
going to make this day interesting by playing with matches and running with scissors out in traffic...
has the key to all of life's questions... but he'll be damned if he can find the lock...
Every hero has that villain to keep them going.
All of these special little "holidays..." I heard they were gonna have a national "I Don't Give A Sh*t" day... But no one gave a sh*t so it never happened. 